A Merry Chase
by Devon Aster
Summary: Self insert. Sequel to A Fanfic Writer's Dilemma. The captain escapes and the characters must work together to find her. Out of series moment for Dr. Belman, the truth about Augur's hair, mini Zo'ors and Sandy in a speedo?


> _**Author's Note:** This story was written because of all the pleas for 'more' from the spherites. "Ask and ye shall receive" I warned them. Special thanks to Data for his encouragement and suggestions._
> 
> A Merry Chase
> 
> **Written by**: Devon Aster   
**Type**: EFC/Humor  
**Rating**: PG - mild language, violence  
** Sequel to**: "A Fanfic Writer's Dilemma"
> 
> Devon Aster slowly raised her head from where it lay on the desk. She scanned the ready room, studying the bodies strewn about. The sound of deep breathing and soft snoring filled the now quiet room. 
> 
> "Now's my chance," she thought. "If I can just slip out..." 
> 
> Devon carefully rose from her seat. She winced as the chair squeaked in protest. She glanced around quickly to see if the noise had disturbed anyone. 
> 
> No one moved. 
> 
> Devon gave a soft sigh of relief. She stepped away from the desk, walking on tip-toe. 
> 
> She passed Augur and Lili, who occupied the sofa. Augur had a goofy grin on his face. Suddenly, Lili slapped Augur in the face and mumbled something about "hacker playboys". 
> 
> Liam was curled up in front of the sofa. He sucked loudly on his thumb and clutched a teddy bear he had replicated when he thought no one was looking. 
> 
> Devon shook her head and continued through the room. 
> 
> She passed Da'an and Zo'or, who were sitting Zen-like in the rooms only two chairs. Da'an smiled, then frowned, then smiled again. Devon looked at Zo'or and saw him do the same, only when he was smiling Da'an was frowning. And vice versa. 
> 
> Devon decided she didn't want to even try and figure it out and moved on. 
> 
> Jonathan and Dr. Belman were wedged into a corner by themselves. Jonathan snored and Dr. Belman nudged him. He was quiet for a moment, then went back to snoring. 
> 
> Renee, Dr. Parks, and Boone were huddled on the floor. Renee twitched and snarled, saying things like "I'll get you Liam" and "Where's my gun?" Dr. Parks drooled on Boone. Boone pushed Dr. Parks off and mumbled "I'll have the 'Blue Tank' special." 
> 
> Devon reached the door and looked down at Sandoval, who was sitting next to it. He was sweating. He twitched and mumbled "...not the ferret! Not again..." 
> 
> Devon grinned and activated the door. It opened with a soft swish. She gave one last look around, then disappeared out the door.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> "What do you mean she's GONE?!?" shouted Liam. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his shaqaravah glowing intensely. 
> 
> "Just calm down Liam," Lili said, eyeing Liam's hands nervously. 
> 
> "How is my story supposed to get finished IF SHE'S NOT HERE TO FINISH IT?!?!" Liam yelled. 
> 
> "Hey, you're not the only one who's supposed to get a story," snapped Boone, his calm demeanor getting less calm all the time. 
> 
> "Now is not the time to argue among ourselves," Da'an stated. "We must work together to find Devon Aster." 
> 
> "Wise words," Zo'or said acidly. "How do you propose we do that?" 
> 
> "Since it seems we have little trust for one another in this matter," here Da'an looked pointedly at each of the ready room occupants, "I suggest we split into teams of two." 
> 
> "Works for me," said Renee. 
> 
> "Me too," Lili said. 
> 
> "Agreed," said Boone. 
> 
> Jonathan, Dr. Parks, and Dr. Belman all nodded in consent. 
> 
> "Whatever..." Liam said sullenly. 
> 
> "Only if I get paired with the right partner." Augur gave Lili a broad wink. 
> 
> "Do you two agree as well?" Da'an asked Zo'or and Sandoval. 
> 
> Sandoval considered for a moment, then nodded. 
> 
> "I suppose you will want to make the assignments," stated Zo'or. 
> 
> Da'an decided to take the statement as acceptance and said, "Of course." He turned to the group at large. 
> 
> "Liam shall go with Renee. Lili with Augur. Boone and Sandoval. Jonathan Doors and Dr. Belman, with Dr. Parks as well. And Zo'or with myself." Da'an finished his pronouncement looking pleased with himself. 
> 
> Angry, sputtering protests filled the air. Augur gave Lili a lecherous grin, Liam was fit to be tied, Jonathan, Parks and Belman eyed each other warily. Boone and Sandoval didn't even acknowledge the others presence. Renee took out a small gun and started cleaning it. 
> 
> "I believe I speak on behalf of everyone," Zo'or began, looked at Augur, then corrected himself, "_Almost_ everyone, when I say this decision - what is that human phrase? Ah yes - Sucks." 
> 
> Da'an merely smiled and said, "I suggest we begin the search. Time is of the essence." 
> 
> Da'an walked out of the ready room. The others looked at each other for one silent moment, then made a mad rush out the door.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> Jonathan, Parks and Belman entered the lounge slowly. Jonathan's eyes searched the room while Parks and Belman tried to use the tricorders they had pilfered from the sickbay. 
> 
> "Damn," said Parks. "I can't get this thing to work!" She shook the tricorder in a vain attempt to make it do something. 
> 
> Belman smiled smugly as she adjusted the settings on her tricorder. She swept the room and studied the readings. 
> 
> "How did you do that?" asked Parks. 
> 
> Belman shrugged. "Oh, just a skill I picked up somewhere." 
> 
> "Did you find anything?" demanded Jonathan. 
> 
> "Not a thing," said Belman. "She's not here." 
> 
> "Let me see that!" Parks snatched the tricorder from Belman. Belman just shrugged again and went behind the bar. Parks stared at the tricorder screen until her eyes crossed. She refused to admit she didn't know what she was looking at. 
> 
> "Anybody for a drink?" asked Belman as she pulled some bottles from the cabinet. 
> 
> "Now isn't exactly the time to play bartender," said Jonathan. "Then again.... give me a scotch." 
> 
> Belman studied the labels on the bottles. Choosing one, she opened it and poured some of the amber liquid into a glass. She handed the glass to Jonathan. 
> 
> Parks finally gave up, throwing the tricorder to the ground with a curse. She stalked over to the bar. 
> 
> "Give me the same and make it a double!" she said. 
> 
> Belman gave a small smile and handed Parks her drink. "Enjoy," she said. 
> 
> Parks nodded. As she raised the glass to her mouth, she glanced sideways at Jonathan. He took a swig from the glass and fainted. 
> 
> "What the he...!?" Belman bolted from behind the bar and rushed to Jonathan's side. She checked his pulse. He was still alive. She turned to Parks. 
> 
> Parks stood over the two of them, holding a hypo-spray in here hand. She rolled it over and over, then said, "I'm not really sure what was in this. But I guess it can't be too dangerous." She smiled and downed the contents of her glass in one gulp. 
> 
> "Why you..." Belman began. 
> 
> "Uh uh," said Parks. She pulled out another hypo-spray. "He was getting kind of bossy. I think we can do without him. You _do_ want to help me, don't you?" 
> 
> Belman didn't reply. Instead, she stood slowly. She watched Parks closely, then smiled. 
> 
> Parks cocked an eyebrow. She began to feel a little fuzzy. Suddenly, she dropped to her knees. She looked up at Belman in surprise. 
> 
> "Just another skill I picked up somewhere," she said. She smiled at Parks and turned to leave. 
> 
> Parks reached out to her. She gurgled, then fell unconscious next to Jonathan.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> "Would you quit breathing down my neck?" Augur said testily, as he bent over the bridge computer console. 
> 
> Lili took a step back from the arch which housed the bridge controls and said, "What's wrong? Can't your genius handle the scrutiny?" 
> 
> "Well, you know how distracting you are to me," said Augur. 
> 
> Lili snorted. "I thought you'd already broken the security on this ship!" 
> 
> "She must have input some new codes." Augur gave an angry shake of the head. He tapped the controls in a quick staccato pattern, the frustration clear on his face. "Aarrgh..." 
> 
> Lili tapped her hand against her leg impatiently. She watched as Augur tried one unsuccessful idea after another. She began to wonder if he was really having as much trouble as it appeared. 
> 
> She stepped closer to the console to get a better look. 
> 
> "I thought I said to keep back," Augur snapped. 
> 
> Lili opened her mouth to make a retort, then thought better of it. She smiled slyly and said, "I can't help it, you're such a sexy man." 
> 
> "Huh?" Augur turned to Lili, not sure if he had heard her right. 
> 
> "You're just so...so...," she said in a husky voice. She gave him wink. She crooked her finger and beckoned him. 
> 
> Augur looked from Lili to the computer and back again. He was torn between continuing his search or fulfilling a fantasy. 
> 
> Finally, he settled on the latter. He rushed to Lili's side. 
> 
> "I'm glad you're finally admitting what I knew you wanted," he said. 
> 
> "Oh Augur." Lili reached around to the back of Augur's head. 
> 
> Augur, expecting a passionate kiss, leaned forward. He gasped as he felt Lili grab his ponytail. 
> 
> "What are you doing?!" he asked, surprised. 
> 
> "Tell me the truth," Lili demanded, all business again. "Have you broken the security code?" 
> 
> "Of course not," Augur said with an ingratiating smile. 
> 
> "The truth!" Lili said, tugging on his ponytail. "Or I'll pull this thing right out of your head!" 
> 
> "Go ahead and try it," Augur ground out. 
> 
> Lili hesitated for a moment, then yanked hard on the hair. She stumbled back a few steps as the ponytail came free. She stared at the hair in her hands, then at Augur's head. There was no blood, or sign of a wound. 
> 
> Augur stared incredulously at Lili. He couldn't believe she had actually done it. 
> 
> "You...you..." he stammered angrily. 
> 
> "You have a hairpiece?!" Lili gasped. She began to laugh as she waved the ponytail back and forth. "Hahahaha...I can't believe the great Augur has to wear a _hairpiece_!" 
> 
> "Give me that back!" Augur demanded. 
> 
> "Not unless you tell me the truth," Lili countered. 
> 
> "I haven't broken the code!" Augur insisted. 
> 
> Lili gave an exasperated sigh. "Yeah, right," she snorted. She turned and headed toward the turbolift. 
> 
> "Hey hey hey! Where are you going?" Augur demanded. "That's my hair!" 
> 
> "To look for Devon Aster," stated Lili. "It has to quicker to search deck by deck, than to spend my time waiting for you to finish playing Pong or whatever it is you _are_ doing." 
> 
> Augur gave the control panel a guilty slap. The small monitor on the arch switched from a strange graphic of two lines and a dot, to one of a systems diagnostic program. 
> 
> "I can't believe it," Lili said. "You were playing Pong. I can't believe you were wasting time with such a childish game!" 
> 
> "Well...uh...Even miracles take time," Augur stuttered indignantly. "See, I was telling you the truth!" 
> 
> Lili rolled her eyes and turned back to the turbolift. Just as she reached the door, a karate chop landed on her neck. She slipped to the floor with a thud. 
> 
> "No one makes fun of Pong..." said Augur to the unconscious Lili. "Or my hair." 
> 
> Augur snatched the ponytail out of Lili's hand. 
> 
> "Do you want to play again?" the computer asked. 
> 
> Augur considered for a moment, then said, "Why not?"
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> A pair of doors opened with a soft whoosh. Liam and Renee stepped into the yellow striped holodeck. Renee headed to the controls imbedded in the arch of the doorway and began entering commands. 
> 
> Liam walked farther into the room. He stopped a few feet away and put his hands on his hips. He then proceeded to state the obvious. 
> 
> "She's not here." 
> 
> Renee rolled her eyes. She continued scanning the information she had called up on the holodeck monitor. 
> 
> Liam turned from the empty room and walked back to Renee's side. 
> 
> "Just what are you doing anyway?" he asked. 
> 
> "I'm trying to see if there are any clues to where she might have gone," Renee said distracted. 
> 
> "If we want to know that we should go to the transporter room!" said Liam. 
> 
> Renee smiled in a strange way and said, "I don't know. I think we could learn a lot from this holodeck." 
> 
> Liam looked at Renee in confusion. A laser blast shot by, singeing the edge of the doorway. 
> 
> "What the...?!?!" Liam dove into the room. A tropical jungle sprang up out of nowhere. Liam decided to take cover behind one of the larger plants. "Renee! Get down!" 
> 
> Renee just smiled. She touched another control on the panel. 
> 
> "Warning! Deactivating safety protocols will increase the chance of injury. Warning!" the computer voice intoned. 
> 
> Renee pulled out the small gun she had been cleaning earlier. She gave it a quick inspection, then tossed it aside. 
> 
> "Computer," she said, "I need a bigger gun." 
> 
> Liam watched in horror as a huge phaser rifle materialized out of thin air. 
> 
> "Wha...what are you doing?" he asked, incredulous. 
> 
> "There's something I've been meaning to tell you," she said evenly. "I'm an assassin who's been hired to kill you." 
> 
> "WHAT!? By who?!" 
> 
> Renee gave another chilling smile. "Wouldn't you like to know?" 
> 
> She fired the phaser rifle at Liam, who just managed to roll out of the way. The plant he had been hiding behind vaporized instantly. She took aim and shot again. Liam dove behind a boulder. 
> 
> "Too bad you can't shoot back!" Renee said, taunting him. "Losing your powers the longer you're on Earth and all..." 
> 
> "Oh yeah, guess what?" Liam said, popping up from behind the boulder. "I'm not _on_ Earth anymore." 
> 
> Liam's shaqarava flared instantly and shot at Renee. She jumped to avoid the shot. She brought her gun up just as Liam sent off another bolt. 
> 
> The shot flew by Renee's head, taking of some of her hair with it. 
> 
> "My hair! You shot my hair!!" Renee shouted angrily. "You'll pay for that!" 
> 
> Renee let off another volley. Liam jumped into the air and landed on top of the boulder. 
> 
> "Shaq Attack!!" he yelled as he let loose with a storm of energy bolts. 
> 
> Renee was caught with no where to go. She tried to avoid the blasts, but found herself getting fatigued. She finally was hit, fell to the ground and promptly fainted. 
> 
> Liam hopped down from his perch on the boulder. 
> 
> "Not bad for a kid, huh?" he said. He turned and swaggered out of the holodeck.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> Sandoval and Boone entered the engine room, skrills poised. Sandoval's eyes darted around. He took in his surroundings, then lowered his skrill. 
> 
> "I don't think she's here," commented Boone. He lowered his skrill as well and stepped farther into the room. 
> 
> "Observant as always," muttered Sandoval. He went off in a slightly different direction. 
> 
> They continued searching in silence, finally ending up in front of the giant blue-purple pillar which comprised the _Cygne Noir_'s ID engine. 
> 
> "Talk about Deja Vu," Boone said. He gazed at the pillar thoughtfully. 
> 
> Sandoval's mouth quirked. He disappeared behind the pillar without a comment. 
> 
> "Hmm?" Boone turned to see Sandoval had disappeared. "This can't be good," he thought to himself. Raising his skrill again, he worked his way around the pillar. 
> 
> Boone stopped dead in his tracks. Right before him stood a 'Blue Tank'. 
> 
> "Wha--what?!" 
> 
> Sandoval came around from behind the tank. 
> 
> "Truly a case of Deejay Vu," Sandoval said with a chilly smile. "I thought it might make you feel more at home." 
> 
> "You're not getting me in that thing!" Boone shouted, his face coated with sweat. 
> 
> Sandoval smiled again and raised his skrill. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way.....I wouldn't mind the hard way." 
> 
> Boone's eyes darted from left to right. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He smiled to himself. 
> 
> "Not this time," he said. He dove to the right, behind a relay station. 
> 
> Sandoval tracked Boone with his skirl. Just as he was about to fire, Boone popped up from behind the relay. He was holding a fuzzy brown something in his hand. 
> 
> Sandoval's eyes widened in terror. "Not that," he begged, "Anything but that!" 
> 
> Boone smiled and held out the furry little ball. The thing began to mewl and purr. 
> 
> "You, a Companion Protector, afraid of this cute little thing?" he asked mockingly. He stepped out from behind the relay station, holding the purring ball in front of him. 
> 
> Sandoval stepped back in horror, his eyes riveted on the living ball of fur. He kept going farther and farther back until.... 
> 
> *Swhump* Sandoval tripped on the lip of a low-lying bin and fell into it. He popped up in utter terror, sending dozens of similar furballs flying from the bin. 
> 
> "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! TRIBBLES!!! GET THEM OFF!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!" 
> 
> Boone sauntered over to the wall next to the bin. He studied the control panel there. Then, smiling, he pushed a button. 
> 
> More tribbles fell from a chute and drowned out Sandoval's screams. Soon it was silent except for the purring of the Tribbles. 
> 
> Boone turned from the bin and caught sight of the 'Blue Tank'. With an ever-broadening smile, he turned back to the bin.....
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> Da'an entered the transporter room with Zo'or following close behind. Da'an swept his gaze from one corner of the room to the other. It was obvious there was no place to hide in this particular room. He turned and headed toward the Transporter control panel. 
> 
> "What are you doing?" Zo'or demanded. He went to the control panel and pointedly looked over Da'an's shoulder. 
> 
> "I am attempting to access the transporter logs," Da'an said. "Perhaps we can discover where Devon Aster has gone." 
> 
> "A brilliant plan," Zo'or said sarcastically. "Has that human broken the security code yet?" 
> 
> Da'an tapped a few commands into the control panel, then said, "No. He has not." 
> 
> "Hmpf. I do not understand why you believe we need the assistance of those others," Zo'or continued. "As superior beings, we have all the necessary abilities." 
> 
> Da'an looked at Zo'or with hooded eyes for a moment, then went back to the control panel. Zo'or's fingers twitched nervously as he watched. 
> 
> Finally he said, "This is unacceptable! Move aside." He pushed Da'an away from the panel and studied the monitor. 
> 
> "What is this?" he asked, his eyes slightly widened. "You have already accessed the logs and have begun a search..." Zo'or looked up in time to see Da'an heading for the Transporter pad. 
> 
> "I will not allow this treachery!" Zo'or said as he hurried to catch up to Da'an. 
> 
> Both Taelons reached the pad at the same time. Da'an and Zo'or grappled for a moment, then broke away. Da'an stumbled from the pad just as the Transporter beam was initiated. Zo'or smiled triumphantly as he began to dissolve into energy particles. 
> 
> "Transporter Security Protocol Initiated," the computer voice announced. "Unauthorized personnel: confirmed. Unauthorized use: confirmed. Initiating Transporter Security Program A.P. Delta-4." 
> 
> The Transporter beam ceased it's disappearance and began to reverse itself. Zo'or rematerialized on the Transporter pad. 
> 
> Da'an's eyes widened in surprise. He began to blush blue as he was overtaken by amusement. 
> 
> Two, very short, Zo'ors stood on the Transporter pad. They stepped down from the pad together and said in perfect unison, "This disrespect will not be tolerated! I am the Synod Leader!" 
> 
> Da'an leaned back against the wall, his human facade beginning to fade. 
> 
> The two mini-Zo'or's stepped forward, indignant. They looked at each other. One put his pinky finger to the corner of his mouth. The other one said, "I think we should ransom the Earth for.....one million bio-warriors!" 
> 
> Da'an had completely lost his human facade, and slid down to the floor. 
> 
> "Please...Zo'or oh Zo'ors...do not continue...I...cannot stand it!" Da'an said, shaking with silent laughter. 
> 
> The mini-Zo'ors advanced on the nearly prone Da'an. 
> 
> "We will steal your mojo, Da'an," they threatened in unison. "Then you will not be Devon's favorite character on the show." 
> 
> Da'an realized he could not defend himself against the two mini-Zo'ors. 
> 
> At that moment, the Transporter room door opened and Dr. Belman entered the room. She stared wide-eyed at the mini-Zo'ors for a moment. She burst out laughing. 
> 
> "Stop that at once!" demanded one of the mini-Zo'ors. 
> 
> "At once!" the other echoed. 
> 
> The door opened again and an extremely ill-looking Jonathan Doors and Dr. Parks came in. They glared at Belman. 
> 
> "Why you...," Jonathan began. He caught sight of the mini-Zo'ors and said, "What the he...?!" 
> 
> Augur rushed into the room. When he saw the mini-Zo'ors he stopped in his tracks. He started laughing. 
> 
> "You tried using the Transporter without disabling the security protocols didn't you?" Tears began to form in his eyes. 
> 
> Lili ran into the room and into Augur, who was still standing in the doorway. She fumed silently. She rubbed her neck and glared at him. 
> 
> "Look out!" 
> 
> Liam bolted through the still open door, a phaser blast just missing him by a fraction of an inch. He dove behind the control panel. 
> 
> Renee stalked into the room. She held the phaser rifle at the ready, her hair still smoking from where it had been singed. 
> 
> Liam muttered something about the unreliability of "holodeck physics". 
> 
> "Coming through," someone said. 
> 
> The crowd in front of the door parted, and Boone walked casually into the Transporter room. 
> 
> "Looks like a regular convention in here," he commented. He walked toward the Transporter pad. "So, did we find out where she went?" 
> 
> "I can tell you where _you_ can go!" an angry voice snapped. "You can go straight to..." 
> 
> All heads turned to see Sandoval standing in the doorway. He was dripping blue goo and wearing a pair of speedos. 
> 
> "I want my clothes back, damn it!" he shouted. 
> 
> "Oh, don't worry Agent San-do-val," said Augur, drawing out the syllables in the Protector's name. "You should see what happened to Zo'or." He thumbed in the direction of the unfortunate Synod Leader. 
> 
> Sandoval stared at the mini-Zo'ors for a moment. The corner of his mouth quirked, then began to lift. The other side followed suit. The corners of his eyes crinkled. Finally, rich laughter broke free from Sandoval's body. 
> 
> The others began to snicker and giggle. The mirth built. And then, there was all out guffawing. 
> 
> The mini-Zo'ors fumed and threatened, but no one was paying attention to them. They started kicking people in the shins. 
> 
> The laughter died down and Boone was the one to say, "I think we'd better get back to the business at hand. Augur, did you manage to break the security code?" 
> 
> "Of course," Augur smiled. He walked to the control panel, and with a flourish, tapped in three short commands. "Now the Transporter will take us directly to her." 
> 
> The group looked at each other silently, then broke for the Transporter pad. The Transporter engaged as everyone tried to gain a spot for themselves.
> 
> ~ ~ ~
> 
> The group materialized in the middle of a room full of people. Heads turned to take in the newcomers. Da'an, Zo'or, Boone, Sandoval, Liam, Renee, Lili, Augur, Jonathan, Parks and Belman all stared at the strange surroundings. 
> 
> "Where the hell are we?" Jonathan asked. 
> 
> Zo'or examined his hands, relieved and grateful to be in one piece again. "I do not care as long as I find Devon Aster." 
> 
> "Someone looking for me?" Devon Aster asked. She turned her head from the conversation she was having with Crystal K Mael. "Oh, I see you guys found me." 
> 
> "Yes, we have," Liam said. "It's time for you to stop playing games and decide whose story your doing next!" 
> 
> "But I already have," she said, her face innocent. 
> 
> "What?!" shouted Lili. 
> 
> "Who?!" Renee demanded. 
> 
> "Do tell us," Da'an insisted. 
> 
> "Well...," Devon smiled, "I decided to do everyone's." 
> 
> The group looked at her dumbfounded. 
> 
> "What?!" they cried in unison. 
> 
> Devon's grin grew broader as she said, "I just posted two, count 'em, _two_, stories with every one of you in it. I say that fairly releases me from your demands. HahahahahahahaMwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!" 
> 
> The group looked at Devon and decided not to argue with one so apparently _tetched_. 
> 
> Devon finally stopped laughing. "Ahem, well do join the party. Stay as long as you like." 
> 
> She turned back to her conversation, leaving the group to ponder their fate. 
> 
> Da End


End file.
